


damned if you don't

by popnographic



Series: Rarepair drabbles [30]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 07:37:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11352861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: Haruka has feelings for his best friend's sister, and he doesn't know if it's worth risking his friendship over his romantic feelings.





	damned if you don't

**Author's Note:**

> For Haruka's birthday, 2017/06/30. Happy birthday, Haruka. ❤

When given the choice of betraying his best friend or ignoring his feelings, Haruka has always chosen the latter. _It’s not worth it_ , a phrase he’s repeated to himself for so long. They’re good friends, but Haruka has never let it get past that point. He’s never been a man to take risks, so it surprises him that he’s even considered it so many times. It’s difficult, because as good of a friend that Rin is to him, so is Gou.

That hasn’t always been the case. Haruka had originally not understood just why Gou took to him when so many others didn’t. Makoto did, Rin did, even Nagisa did, it truly stumped him when Gou wanted to be his friend, when she wanted to hang out just like the others. Haruka was never a people person growing up, and it’s only in the past few years that has started to change. He guesses it’s a part of growing up, of becoming more independent, and it’s actually nice. Makes him realise life gives him more options this way.

He and Gou started hanging out a lot in their last year of high school. She’d been the manager of their swim team, giving them all a chance to properly get to know Rin’s younger sister. But out of all of them, Gou was closest to Haruka more than anyone else. They have a lot of similarities, the same dry humour, similar taste in clothing—the more things Haruka discovered, the more he wondered to himself why he ever questioned how he and Gou could ever become friends.

Haruka works for around a year and a half at a pastry shop following his university years before Gou suggests they move in together. She’s just graduated herself with a degree in business economics, is about to move out of her room in the dorm, and Haruka’s been itching to move out of his parents’ old house for ages, anyway. So they begin browsing for apartments around Iwatobi, but with their combined finances, there isn’t a lot to find that would suit them. When Haruka and Gou come to the conclusion that they have to look outside Iwatobi, it hits Haruka that he has to talk to Rin about moving in with his sister.

They aren’t dating, but moving in together is, in Rin’s opinion, probably really close.

“He’s gonna kill me,” Haruka says. “I’m not even gonna get to move in before he puts me in the ground.”

Gou snorts, rolling her eyes. “You’re too dramatic. Is it because you’ve hung out with him so much, that you start to take after him? It’s gonna be fine. He knows you, trusts you. Why would he be against it? We’re just moving in together, not getting _married_.”

She has a point, and as well as Haruka knows Rin, Gou knows him better, and in a different way than Haruka does. Reluctantly, he chooses to trust her, and contacts Rin.

They meet after work on a rainy Tuesday at an izakaya close to the train station. Rin has had a rough week, so Haruka lends an ear to let Rin vent for a bit. It also gives him time to revise his mental script regarding the Gou situation, so it works out fine. He thinks back to his first argument with Makoto, how badly that went, and how things got better afterwards. It allowed him to grow, learn from his mistakes, and start handling confrontations better. So even though he’s a little nervous now, facing Rin in what could easily escalate to a shouting match, he isn’t going to run away. That’s what his teenage self would’ve done.

“Rin, I have to talk to you about something. Personally, I don’t see it as a big deal, but I don’t know how you’re gonna take it.”

Rin raises his eyebrows, setting his beer down on the table. “Wow, Haru, this certainly _sounds_ bad. What’s going on?”

He sighs, looks at his own beer which is still mostly untouched, the condense dripping down the side of his glass onto the table. “Gou and I have talked about moving in together. Not as… you know, as a couple. But as friends.”

Now he’s at least said it, and all he can do is wait for Rin’s response, his verdict. Is he gonna be against it, somewhere in between, or even be all for it? Haruka has no idea. No matter how long he’s known Rin, no matter how good friends they are, there are some things he won’t ever be able to predict about Rin, as he’s sure is the same for Rin with him.

“Wait. Really? You and Gou?”

Haruka swallows. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Rin goes quiet for a second, but then he shrugs. “You know… I don’t own Gou, she’s just my sister, and you’re not really getting _married_ or anything, which honestly was what I thought you wanted to talk to me about at first.”

Since he doesn’t have siblings of his own, Haruka doesn’t quite know what being an overprotective sibling feels like, or the opposite, where he’d be _having_ one. He knows Rin might be a little more protective of his sister than other older brothers are because they lost their father being very young; the last thing Rin probably wants is to lose another one. But Rin takes Haruka’s

Haruka manages to laugh, mostly in relief. “No, we’re not getting married. I just didn’t wanna go behind your back or anything.”

“Nah,” Rin says, popping an edamame bean into his mouth. “I appreciate you talking to me about it, though. But yes, you have my blessing.”

“Ha ha.”

 

* * *

 

After a lot of apartment looking, a few let-downs and frustration, Haruka and Gou finally find themselves a two-bedroom apartment three hours away in Tsuyama, south of Iwatobi. It’s a lot livelier, and there are more residents than in their hometown, which is a big change—but it’s a nice change.

“You gonna be okay with this?” Gou asks as she gets in the truck behind the wheel. Haruka still refuses to get a licence since he knows he’d hate driving, but now that he’s moving to a bigger town, he might have to reconsider.

“Why do you ask?”

“Three hours away by train. That’s pretty far.”

Haruka scoffs. “I’ll be fine, thanks. And it’s _only_ three hours; it could be worse. I’m actually looking forward to it.”

“So am I,” Gou grins, starting the engine. “Alright, let’s go.”

Leaving Tottori early morning on a Saturday means minimal traffic, so their drive to the apartment building in Tsuyama takes about ninety minutes. They’d only been able to rent the truck since the siblings’ mother rented it for them in her name, so the company doesn’t know that someone _under_ the age of twenty-five is driving the vehicle. The Matsuoka family members are all scarily good at various things, which is why Haruka long ago decided to never get on their bad side.

They’ve rented the truck for two days, so they’ve got the entire weekend to unload it and get everything inside the apartment before Gou and Rin’s mother has to return it. Gou has a lot less stuff than Haruka has, having just moved out of a university dorm, and Haruka has never been one to keep unnecessary things around, so they probably have a lot less to move in than other people do.

When the weekend is over, Gou and Haruka have finished moving stuff out of the truck into the apartment on the second floor (thank god for lifts), and then they can properly start moving into the apartment before their new lives in Tsuyama can properly begin.

It takes a few weeks of job-searching and readjusting, but then they both have jobs, are fully settled, and miss Iwatobi a lot less than they did the first week. Rin has already been to visit twice, Makoto once, and Makoto commented on the size of their living room, saying it was a size he was striving for himself in terms of his next place.

“See, I thought that was a metaphor,” Rin drawls, and Makoto’s eyes widen as Haruka covers his mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Rin!”

The five of them have dinner in Haruka’s and Gou’s apartment a couple of weeks following their move in-date, and the two guests leave around midnight to catch the last train back to Iwatobi. Their lives have changed drastically in a rather short amount of time, and from now on, they’ll be seeing each other a lot less. That means Haruka has to start using his phone more so they can stay in touch, and he just knows Gou will be on his case about it without her having to say anything.

That night, Haruka finds it more difficult than normal to sleep. It usually takes him a while to fall asleep, but tonight is different, and a lot worse. He gets up to get a glass of cold water at some point, but even after emptying it and gone back to bed, sleep doesn’t come. So he lies on his back and stares up at the ceiling, breathing slow and deep in a half-desperate attempt to become sleepier. His attempts are flung out the window the second his bedroom door opens, and Haruka nearly jumps out of bed.

“Haru?” Gou whispers. “You awake?”

He sighs, trying to still his speeding heartbeat from the scare. “Yeah, unfortunately. What’s up?”

Gou hesitates, still standing in the doorway. “Can I sleep in here? Had a nasty dream.”

Despite the way his heart’s still racing, he can’t help but smile a little to himself. Sometimes, Gou still reminds him of the little girl he met so many years ago. “Okay.”

She sneaks inside, quietly sliding the door shut behind her as she comes to join Haruka in bed. Up close when Gou’s no longer just a silhouette in the dark, he notices she’s only wearing a top and underwear, and he swallows hard. _This is one of the worst things I’ve agreed to in a long time_. Bungee-jumping would’ve been more reasonable, even.

Gou crawls in under the duvet, snuggling up close to Haruka who unconsciously breathes even slower, trying to calm his heartbeat which is now beating because of Gou and not because of the previous scare. He’ll never catch a break.

“Thanks,” she murmurs, and Haruka barely manages to respond with a ‘no problem’. Not even five minutes later, Gou is sound asleep by his side, and Haruka exhales a deep breath. So much for getting a good night’s rest.

 

* * *

 

During the week, Haruka and Gou both work until around dinnertime, so they don’t see each other as much. That in and of itself makes it easier for Haruka to remember that they’re living together only as friends, that the reason Rin didn’t bite his head off was because he knew Haruka and Gou were moving in together as friends. And they _are_ good friends, but sometimes Haruka’s feelings for Gou come back to the surface to remind him of their presence. It can happen when they’re just standing in the kitchen together cooking dinner, when they’re watching TV on the couch, or even when they’re talking on the phone. Haruka never knows when to expect it, which is what makes it more difficult.

Haruka wonders if Gou has ever thought of him that way, if even for a slight moment. Maybe she sees him as her other older brother? It wouldn’t be too far-fetched, seeing as they’ve practically grown up together. Not in the way he and Makoto did, but still close. Considering the fact that Gou was the one to insist they become friends, Haruka’s more often than he’d like to admit wondered if maybe she had a hidden agenda.

But maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Maybe it really _is_ just friendship to Gou, like moving in with her best friend. Maybe it doesn’t mean much to her, maybe she doesn’t feel anything in particular. Haruka will never know, because he won’t ask. If the feelings are one-sided, one of them will surely move out, and Haruka will have lost Gou even as a _friend_. If the feelings are mutual, will Haruka be brave enough to take things further?

_hey haru! when will you be back in town next? miss u guys_

It’s a text from Kisumi, and while it’s surprising, it’s also very nice to hear from him again. Kisumi travels around a lot because of work, and now that he’s apparently back in Iwatobi, Haruka wants to go see him. It’ll be nice to go back again, too, since it _is_ his hometown.

“Kisumi? Oh, wow. Yeah, of course I’ll go! Are we gonna spend the night in town?”

Haruka shrugs. “I don’t know if anyone would be willing to take us in.”

“Even if no one will, we could just get a hotel room for the night”, Gou says. “Might be too much travel in a day if we go back the same evening.”

She’s right, of course, so they decide to make a hotel stay their plan B. Gou is good at convincing people, and they have a few options, so Haruka guesses they won’t have to resort to plan B.

Saturday morning, they eat breakfast at home and then head for the train station. It’ll be the first time in nearly two months they’re coming back to Iwatobi, and it feels weird to think of it that way. In high school, he frequently left Iwatobi along with the rest of the swim team for various tournaments, but ever since he’s been out of the competitive swimming environment, Haruka has practically been in the same spot at all times.

When they get off the train and Haruka inhales a deep breath of air smelling like the ocean, he closes his eyes, and smiles a little. Often times he associated living in Iwatobi with anxiety, stress and generally negative things he often experienced, and not necessarily the more prominent _good_ things. But now, having moved away from it all and coming back to visit, Haruka is able to fully appreciate it for what it is.

Kisumi greets them over-enthusiastically like only Kisumi does, with hugs and the whole package, and then they go for lunch at a restaurant down by the beach. It’s nice to catch up with him again after so long, exciting to hear his stories. He isn’t back in town for long since he has to go back to Hiroshima where he’s lived for the past two years. Growing up meant taking most of them in different directions, but not all at once. Kisumi and Sousuke were the first ones to leave Iwatobi, then followed Haruka and Gou. As for Makoto and Rin, Haruka assumes they’ll still want to be there for a bit longer since they have jobs in town.

“So how _is_ living in Tsuyama? I’ve never been, but I feel like I should change that. Come visit you guys sometime.”

“It’s good,” Gou responds. “Livelier than here, and it isn’t a seaside town, so it’s very different. But I like it.”

“Me too. I like the change of environment.”

Kisumi hums. “You’ve never been one to like change, what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Haruka shrugs. “Maybe I did, since I grew up?”

“Maybe so. Feels strange, huh? Sometimes I still imagine us being in high school, even though those years are long gone.”

Gou laughs. “You’re just sentimental, Kisumi.”

“Maybe.” Kisumi leans forward on the table, having scooted his now empty bowl aside. “So, what prompted you guys to move there together? Any change in your relationship, maybe?”

Haruka’s eyebrow twitches at Kisumi’s pointed comment, and he gives Kisumi a look he hopes will come across as a warning. Sadly, Kisumi isn’t looking his way, rendering his effort useless. He doesn’t want to risk saying anything dumb, so Haruka keeps his mouth shut and hopes to whatever deities are watching him from above will be kind to him if only for today.

Gou smiles, shaking her head, and Haruka exhales slowly through his nose. “What’s wrong with us moving in together even if we’re not dating? It’s such a smart idea. Saves money and gives us a roommate so we won’t have to live alone. I’m sure Haru was tired of that, no?”

He nods dumbly. “Mm-hmm.”

Across the table, Kisumi raises an eyebrow, and Haruka wonders if maybe he thinks Gou is lying, that _they’re_ lying. Oh, if only that _was_ the case. To prevent things from going out of control, Haruka changes the subject, which neither Gou or Kisumi seem to mind.

Shortly following lunch, they’re joined by Makoto and Rin, and the five of them go down to the beach. The weather’s really nice, so it’s perfect to sit out in the sun for a bit. Haruka feels like he’s been spending too much time inside lately, anyway, and he knows Gou feels the same with her job at an insurance company. Haruka won’t ever understand her choice of career since he’d loathe having to do mathematics all day, but it seems to make her happy, and maybe that’s all that matters.

Evening rolls around, and it’s about time for everyone to go their separate ways. Gou takes it upon herself, thankfully, to ask the others if they’ve got room to spare for the night. Kisumi doesn’t since he doesn’t even _have_ a place in Iwatobi and is staying at a hotel, but Makoto and Rin do. The only problem is that their place is smaller than Haruka and Gou’s, so—

“—you’ll have to sleep on our living room floor on futons.”

Haruka knows how small that living room is, and he also knows there’s no way for them to space out said futons in any way since there’s a lot of furniture in the way that would be too bothersome to move for just one night. They do have a couch, which Haruka wouldn’t be opposed to sleeping on, so he keeps that in mind as he and Gou accept the offer.

“Well,” Rin says on his way out of the living room, “sleep tight. And see you tomorrow. At what time do you think you’ll leave?”

Gou turns to face Haruka, who’s standing by a futon made for someone who isn’t planning on sleeping on it. “After lunch, maybe? We’re not really in a hurry or anything, so we might as well.”

Haruka shrugs. “Yeah.”

Rin shoots them a wide grin. “Good, then that means we have more time to hang out before you have to head back. Night.”

He slides the door shut, and leaves Gou and Haruka to themselves. Everything goes silent except for the sound of his pulse that Haruka hears loudly in his ears. Gou, of course, doesn’t seem to think this is all that special, since she carries on getting changed for bed as if Haruka hadn’t been there in the first place.

“Haru? What’re you spacing out for?”

Haruka walks over to his futon. “I wanna sleep on the couch tonight. Futon’s too hard, and my back’s been hurting since yesterday.”

“Really? I didn’t know that. Hey, you sure you’re okay? You seem kinda out of it.”

He rolls his eyes to himself. “I’m fine. Let’s just go to sleep.”

Gou thankfully lets it go, and soon enough they’re off to sleep; Haruka on the couch, and Gou on one of the futons. Haruka isn’t even tired—all he wants to do right now is to go out for a run. He always liked doing that whenever he still lived in Iwatobi, and there were a lot on his mind he needed to process. Late night runs before swimming competitions worked like a charm, because Haruka woke up feeling a lot better just in time for their races… for the most part.

When he’s made sure Gou has fallen asleep, Haruka gets up again to get his shorts and his phone on the way out of the living room. It’s pitch dark, and he obviously doesn’t want to turn on any lights, so Haruka makes use of his phone, and feels his way around to make sure he doesn’t trip over something on his way out the door.

In the hallway, Haruka’s gotten himself dressed, and he puts on his shoes. The sky outside isn’t pitch dark since it’s still in the middle of summer, but the streetlights will still make it a lot brighter for him on his run. Iwatobi is a relatively safe place, and in all of his years having lived there, Haruka has never had to worry about getting attacked or anything when out late at night.

Just as he’s about to step outside, he hears the floorboards creak ever so slightly behind him, and he whips around to find Gou.

“Where’re you heading?” she asks. “I assume you’re not sleepwalking.”

Haruka briefly closes his eyes, holding back a sigh. “No. I just need some fresh air. Go back to bed.”

“Is something wrong? You’re acting weird.”

This is why he’d tried so desperately to be quiet so no one would wake up and confront him. As much as he’s improved at dealing with confrontations, he really didn’t want to have one right _now_ , and definitely not with Gou, of all people. Hell, even Rin would’ve been a better option.

“I’m fine, Gou. I go out running at night every now and then, it’s nothing new.”

“Not since we moved.”

He _could_ just use the excuse that he hasn’t lived in Tsuyama as long as he did Iwatobi, but Haruka refrains. “It’s nothing, okay? It’ll help me get to sleep faster.”

She doesn’t seem convinced, but Gou lets him go without saying anything else. As Gou heads back to bed, Haruka grabs Makoto’s keys in the hallway and goes out the door.

 

* * *

 

The pastry shop he works at is rather small, most of the customers are regulars, and the work hours are good, too. He wants to work in a restaurant eventually, but this is a good way of starting out since he hasn’t lived in Tsuyama for too long yet. Gou has definitely adjusted a lot faster than he did, and she often goes out for drinks after work with her co-workers. So at least they aren’t having a bad time in the new town they’ve moved to.

While Haruka isn’t fond of eating sweets and pastries, he does like to make them. And even if he _had_ liked sweet things, he has a feeling he’d like it a lot less since he works in a pastry shop baking these things all day. He’s heard stories of people who work in restaurants who don’t like to cook at home, and Haruka hopes that never happens to him. Cooking is something he really enjoys doing, and he hopes that flame won’t extinguish once he decides to work in an actual restaurant.

In the early mornings, they bake bread and make sandwiches for breakfast, and then during the rest of the day there’s both sandwiches and pastries to be sold alongside coffee and other beverages. It’s a nice, small shop right by the train station, which means they’re busiest around seven and eight in the morning, and then again around four in the afternoon. Being a morning person, Haruka likes working the early shift, because that means he gets to go home at two when things have just calmed down again for a bit.

A scorching hot Wednesday afternoon in the beginning of June, Haruka comes back to the apartment and immediately makes a beeline for the couch. He flops down, grabs the remote for the air conditioning unit, and lets out a sigh when cool air begins seeping into the room. It’s a shame they can’t leave it on during the day to prevent their apartment becoming an oven in summer—if they _did_ , their electricity bill would be higher than it would be in winter.

At some point, Haruka dozes off, and he doesn’t notice Gou coming back until he wakes up again and finds Gou curled up against his side on the tiny couch. He snorts to himself, and as he looks down at her, he brushes away a curl of hair in Gou’s face. She must be exhausted; she frequently is because of her hectic work schedule, long meetings and sometimes very difficult tasks. But Gou rarely complains, which is what stumps Haruka. He knows that he’d probably be doing nothing _but_ complaining had he been in her shoes.

Gou stirs in her sleep, and soon enough she frowns, and opens her eyes halfway. “What time is it?”

Haruka reaches over her to the coffee table to grab his phone. “Almost six. When did you get back?”

“Quarter past four or something like that. I feel like having takeout tonight. Can we?”

“You sound like such a kid,” he laughs.

Gou sighs exasperatedly. “I’m a kid in a grown woman’s body, Haru. So, what’ll it be? Are you cooking or are we ordering takeout?”

They end up ordering takeout, because who were they kidding? Haruka’s still too tired to cook after is nap, and they have a few semi-cheap and good fast food places around where they can order stuff from. There are still a lot of restaurants they have yet to try out, too, and that’s exciting. Past Haruka from the high school years would be terrified at the thought of trying new foods, but now that he’s older, Haruka has learnt that trying new foods is fun and exciting, and he really isn’t as picky as he originally assumed he was.

Haruka and Gou end up spending the rest of their evening on the couch, eating takeout food and watching bad TV shows. It’s nice to just hang out, and Haruka slowly learns to put his feelings aside again. What happened the other week was probably just a result of some emotional overload, and while he do wants to know what caused it, he also guesses it’s fine if he never _does_ find out. As long as his daily life isn’t heavily affected, now that he’s agreed to living with Gou and only lived with her for about two months.

His birthday just around the corner, Haruka has heard suspiciously little about it. Either they really aren’t going to put much emphasis into his twenty-fifth, or it’s the complete opposite, and they’ve managed to sneak under his radar with their birthday planning. His birthday falls on a Thursday this year, so maybe it won’t be that much, but then again, they _could_ postpone it to the weekend, too, which is just two days later.

Gou heads back home to Iwatobi to see Rin and their mother for some family time, and while she’s in Iwatobi, Makoto comes over to Tsuyama to spend time with Haruka. As he’s a swimming coach, he always has his weekends off since they don’t hold classes then, and Haruka rarely works weekends, either.

Makoto, now sporting an undercut instead of whatever it was he usually had on the top of his head, comes out to greet Haruka, who raises his eyebrows to the point where he disappears under his bangs at the sight of his best friend.

“I like your hair,” he says. Makoto looks up as if he’s actually gonna be able to see it, and then he smiles sheepishly.

“You do? I’m glad. I got a little tired of that ugly mop I had on my head. Felt very teenage-ish, and… well, I’m obviously an adult now.”

Haruka snort-laughs. “Yeah, I’d hope so. As an adult, I wouldn’t wanna hang out with teenage you.”

“Hey,” Makoto says, pretend-offended.

It’s surprising to Haruka that Makoto would decide on changing something about himself in such a drastic way. They’ve both always been a little apprehensive to change, Haruka more so than his best friend, but if even _Haruka_ was able to start embracing change, maybe it shouldn’t be such a big surprise that Makoto went down the same path. Makoto’s a pickier eater than Haruka is, though, which Haruka secretly considers a victory since their roles were flipped as children.

“You know,” Haruka says as they’re walking back from the train station, “I could’ve just come to Iwatobi, too.”

He’s only saying it because he knows Makoto will say—

“Oh, no, I wanted to come here, anyway! It’s nice for me to get away for a bit, since I do still live there. Unless you _wanted_ to go back?”

… one of the things that come with having known Makoto for practically his entire life. In reality, Haruka’s a little relieved Makoto wanted to come here, meaning Haruka got to stay behind and not follow Gou to Iwatobi. A little time apart from her, if even just a day, might be good for him to recover a bit. He’d be naïve to think it would completely get rid of his feelings considering how long he’s been harbouring them, but at least it gives him a little room to breathe.

Haruka shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. I might be a little tired of Iwatobi, actually, and I’ve yet to get tired of this place.”

“Thankfully,” Makoto adds, laughing.

They have coffee at a café Haruka’s never been to before, and while it feels weird to visit something similar to where he works himself—almost like _cheating_ on his workplace—he does like the café, and wouldn’t mind going back.

It’s nice to catch up with Makoto; even though they saw each other just a week or so earlier, this time it’s just them, and it’s a lot different that way. It vaguely reminds Haruka of when they were younger, except now they can actually have a conversation, instead of Makoto doing most of the talking and Haruka just responding with grunts, nods or shrugs.

Haruka still lets Makoto talk the most, but that’s just because he gets so enthusiastic telling Haruka about his job and the kids he coaches. It’s nice to see Makoto so genuinely happy about something, unlike when they were young and Haruka felt like most of the happiness Makoto showed was exaggerated of straight up completely fake. Honesty feels better than what younger Haruka would’ve ever imagined, and he’s never been so unafraid of it.

“How’s almost-married life in Iwatobi?” he asks, and Makoto shoots him a look.

“We’re not ‘almost-married’, and we’re not the opposite, either. But it’s fine, thanks for asking. Same old, I suppose.”

Haruka frowns slightly. “You almost sound like that’s a bad thing.”

“No, it’s just… well, sometimes I feel like we’re at a stand-still. Nothing bad going on, but there aren’t any super good things happening, either. Just same old.”

He hums, and his frown deepens. “Well, maybe you need to get away for a bit. Like, take a few days and just go somewhere, get away from work and everyday life. I’m not a romance expert, but it sounds like a good idea to me.”

Makoto nods slowly. “Yeah, it does. I guess… we could try and do that. Rin has a harder time getting a day off work than I do, but by now he should be able to afford a day or two. I just don’t think about those things, since I’m so busy living life where nothing exciting happens, so… it’s nice to get some input from someone else. Thanks, Haru.”

“Sure.”

Haruka’s always pictured Makoto and Rin to be the couple to outlive everyone else, but they’re obviously also putting up some kind of front when they’re with other people. And not every relationship is perfect, though theirs often seems to come pretty close.

At the end of the evening, Makoto insists on taking the train back home as Gou has returned, as well, arguing that he doesn’t want to take up a lot of space. There’s really no use in trying to argue with Makoto since he’s incredibly stubborn, so Haruka lets him head back to Iwatobi.

“Hey, wanna watch a film?” Gou asks. “Or a documentary, maybe? I’m in the mood to watch something.”

Haruka glances at the clock on their microwave, but remembers it’s a weekend and that he doesn’t have to get up early. “Only if I get to pick.”

Gou rolls her eyes, smiling. “Sure, Haru.”

At some point, Haruka wakes up on the couch. The entire front of his body is warm, and he’s still wearing the same clothes he did the night before. It takes approximately a second and a half before he realises he’s on the couch, and that the entity responsible for the heat is Gou, sleeping with her back turned to him. When the realisation hits him, Haruka swallows hard and feels himself getting even warmer, especially in the cheeks. Heat begins pooling in the pit of his stomach just as he moves ever so slightly and accidentally has his half-hard dick grace Gou’s ass between a few layers of fabric. Before things go _way_ too far, Haruka crawls off the couch and darts into the bathroom.

With his mouth stuffed with the sleeve of his shirt, Haruka fires his sexual frustration into the toilet, and begins washing up. _A cold shower will definitely do the trick_ , he thinks.

And so it does; Haruka exits the shower feeling refreshed and like he managed to clear his mind a little by just taking a quick, very cold, shower. He heads back out into the living room, lifting Gou into his arms so he can carry her into her bedroom. A thought flickers across his mind, and Haruka shakes his head to prevent it from sticking, and after he’s tucked Gou into her bed, Haruka retreats to his own bedroom.

 

* * *

 

The last day of June arrives, which means it’s Haruka’s birthday. He wakes up far too early when Gou walks into his bedroom carrying a tray with various foods on top. He then remembers that it’s a Thursday, which is why they’re up this early or Gou wouldn’t have been able to have made him breakfast, which he just knows she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself for.

“Gou, you really didn’t have to,” he says as she sits down carefully by his side, grabbing a pair of chopsticks and a bowl of rice for herself. Gou shrugs.

“I know.” She leans forward to kiss him on the cheek. “Happy birthday, Haru.”

He smiles. “Thanks.”

The best thing about not having worked at the same place for a year is that no one at work knows it’s his birthday. Haruka normally dislikes too much attention, and it always made him uncomfortable in school when they sang for him in the classroom or the school cafeteria. Now he’ll be able to go into work without a single worry that something similar is going to happen.

During the day, he receives text messages of varying enthusiasm from his friends, wishing him a happy birthday. Kisumi’s message is by far the most enthusiastic, almost to the point where Haruka has to hold his phone further away from himself because it reminds him of one of those magically screaming letters from a film series Makoto was really into when they were kids. Of course, Haruka appreciates it, and sends off a reply that might not be as ardent as Kisumi’s, but he hopes Kisumi will sense his gratitude.

He has yet to hear anything about any sort of plans for his birthday, but then again, that would take the surprise out of a surprise birthday celebration, so he knows not to let his guard down just yet. As he walks into the apartment, the only person present is Gou, who _didn’t_ try to surprise him. All she does is greet him as she usually does; with a tight hug and yet another ‘happy birthday’.

“I hope you’re not disappointed,” she says. “It’ll just be us tonight. But there’s most definitely something happening this weekend.”

Haruka raises his eyebrows. “Didn’t you just ruin the surprise?”

“How old are we, Haru? It’s fine. Now, don’t you dare interrupt me here in the kitchen while I’m making your birthday dinner. Shoo.”

“You’re cooking?”

Gou gives him a questioning look. “Yes? Why, you always say you like my cooking. Or is that a lie?”

“No, that’s not it. I was thinking you’d take me out for dinner, but I actually prefer homecooked food. So, thanks.”

She hits him lightly on his forearm. “Don’t thank me yet; I’m not done cooking just yet.”

Haruka does as he’s told and leaves the kitchen while Gou finishes cooking. She’d apparently gotten home earlier from work so she could start cooking before Haruka got back, and realising that makes his heart race a little.

To him, turning twenty-five feels just like any other birthday. Both Makoto and Kisumi had said it’s a ‘once in a lifetime’ sort of thing, but he’d just said in response that it was the exact same thing when he turned twenty-four, and it’ll be the same in a year. How frustrating wouldn’t it be if you turned twenty-five _twice_? Luckily, Sousuke had agreed with him on this sentiment, and it makes Haruka glad to know at least _someone_ understands how he feels about birthdays.

Gou really _does_ cook amazing food. Haruka feels like he doesn’t say it often, so he makes sure to say it tonight. And not just because it’s his birthday, but because he knows she would appreciate hearing it, too. It’s nothing too fancy and nothing that would’ve taken half a day to cook, but she’s taken great care to make sure it would taste good. Some people say you can taste it when someone’s put their love into food, and while it sounds far too cheesy for Haruka to say it, he can sort of agree.

“At least let me help clean up after dinner, Gou.”

She raises her eyebrows, giving him a look. “Guess if I’m gonna let you.”

“No?”

“Exactly. It’s just for today, Haru! Tomorrow you can cook and do the dishes all you want. Promise.”

He pretends to be grumpy as she laughs and begins to take stuff off the table. It turned out not to be the most extravagant birthday, after all, but Haruka really doesn’t mind. Especially since it was a weekday when they’d been working; he would’ve hated to be tired and yawn constantly if they’d done something more strenuous.

Haruka watches Gou’s back as she’s doing the dishes, humming a melody Haruka doesn’t recognise to herself. He thinks to himself, wondering if this is how he’ll want things to just continue to torment him until eventually it’ll fade away into nothing. If it does, will he still want to live with Gou like this? What if she feels the same way, as unbelievable as that sounds?

Instead of just continuing to wonder to himself, Haruka gets up, and takes a step forward. _Damned if you do, damned if you don’t_. So Rin might kick his ass, but that isn’t what Haruka prioritises the most in this situation. What he wants to know is if Gou feels the same way he does, because sometimes he feels like she might. Maybe it’s just him thinking too highly of himself, but then again, he has to take a risk for once in his life to find out.

Tentatively, slowly, Haruka wraps his arms around Gou’s shoulders. She jumps a little, but she stays in place, and turns off the tap, before wiping her hands off, and then laying them on top of his forearms.

“I didn’t know,” she says, “that you felt the same.”

Haruka laughs a little, knowing he sounds as nervous as he is. “Ditto.” He lets a second pass, lets himself savour the moment, before he continues. “Rin’s gonna kick my ass.”

Gou shakes her head, and Haruka doesn’t have to see her face to know she’s smiling. “He’s not. You’re just overthinking things. Didn’t you say he was okay with us moving in together?”

“Yeah, that was _moving in_ together. Not this.”

Would Rin be okay with his best friend dating his sister? Haruka doesn’t even know what he’d do had he been in Rin’s shoes. The disadvantage of not having a sibling, of not being able to relate to others who have siblings. He knows comparing with a close friend isn’t even close to the same thing, so he refrains.

“Even if he’d be ticked off, who cares?” Gou sighs, relaxing a little in Haruka’s arms before she turns around, making sure Haruka doesn’t let go. “He thinks… has always thought that he was supposed to take Dad’s place in my life, as well as keep his own as my older brother. I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions; it has nothing to do with him.”

Haruka probably respects Rin a little too much, something that’s followed him since childhood and something he realises needs to change. Respect is always necessary, but it can also become a mental ball and chain that prevents one to move forward, if there’s too much of it.

“As always, you’re right,” Haruka says, and puts their foreheads together. “But I’m holding you responsible for taking care of me if he _does_ kick my ass.”

Gou stands on her toes, pulling Haruka down by the front of his shirt, and lets their lips meet. “Idiot,” she says with so much affection in a single word that it almost knocks the air out of Haruka’s lungs.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you thought I’d kick your ass. I’m hurt.”

Makoto laughs. “You can’t blame him; you’ve threatened boys back in the day if they even got close to Gou. Prime example: Momotarou.”

“Please don’t remind me,” Rin groans. “In my defence, Momo tried to hit on literally any girl he came across. You can’t trust a guy like that.”

“Agreed,” Sousuke says, lifting his beer bottle to clink against Rin’s, and then Kisumi joins in. Of course.

Haruka doesn’t even bother dignifying Rin with a response other than rolling his eyes.

Sousuke’s apartment is big, very far away from everyone else as it’s located in eastern Tokyo, but even Haruka has to admit it’s a nice place. For Sousuke to be able to afford living in a place like this, close to central Tokyo… he almost considers asking Sousuke if his workplace is hiring. But no, Haruka likes the pastry shop he works at, and it’ll probably be a while before he moves onto bigger things.

It’s nice to have everyone gathered like this again. It doesn’t happen often—maybe once every few months—so by the time everyone meets back up, they all have quite a lot to catch up on that hasn’t been talked about over the phone or in text messages. For Haruka’s ‘real’ birthday celebration, Sousuke hadn’t been able to come all the way from Tokyo, so maybe hosting this get-together at his apartment is his way of making up to not only Haruka, but the others, as well.

Aside from Sousuke, they’ve all booked rooms in a hotel for the night since the train ride back would be far too long. Even though they’d taken the earliest train possible from Iwatobi and Tsuyama, they still arrived in Tokyo around lunch, but the next day is a Sunday so they’ll take a later train since they don’t have any specific time to be back home. One of the few good things about being an adult and living on their own; no parents who need them back home by dinnertime.

Haruka’s had a nice weekend in Tokyo, having gotten to see quite a few things thanks to Rin’s navigational skills (of course Sousuke’s haven’t improved much at all since high school), and he’s even bought a few things both for the apartment and for his closet. Gou did the same, though for once she was the wise one out of the two who didn’t spend as much money. It’s in times like these when Haruka remembers how grateful he should be to his parents for leaving him a hefty sum of money on his bank account as a shitty apology for never having been around when he was young.

“… you even listening?”

Haruka blinks, coming out of his reverie, and he turns his attention back to Gou beside him. Both Makoto and Rin are asleep, leaning against each other, but Kisumi’s still wide awake just like Gou and Haruka.

“Wow,” Kisumi says. “Rude of you not to listen to your girlfriend when she’s talking to you.”

Haruka glares at Kisumi briefly, feeling his cheeks burn. “Sorry, Gou. What were you saying?”

She smiles, shaking her head. “I said ‘it’s been a nice weekend, hasn’t it?’”

“Oh. Yeah, it has. I’m glad we came out here.”

Gou takes his hand, and Haruka lightly squeezes her hand back in response. He turns his gaze back to the window, watching the tall buildings of Tokyo go by and soon disappear behind them. Tokyo is too big of a city for Haruka to live in, but it’s nice to visit every now and then. For now, he’s happy living in Tsuyama with Gou, working at a pastry shop where he mostly bakes things he would never put in his own mouth but happily serve to others. Occasionally, he and Gou meet up with their childhood friends; they hang out, catch up on each other’s lives.

That’s what his life has become, and Haruka supposes it really can’t get much better than that.

**Author's Note:**

> [[tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/idiotmatsu)]


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